On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
