Porn is love you can see.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
