So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
