she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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