Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
