I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
