I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
