my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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