yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
