he puts the penis in happiness.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
