Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
