Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
