It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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