that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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