There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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