ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
