Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
