Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
