therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
