Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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