i think i have herpe
just one?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
