im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
