At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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