Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
