I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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