I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
