Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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