as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
