so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
