I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish you could order shots online.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
