neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
