Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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