The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
