He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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