Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
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She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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