There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize