I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
