Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
