How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
