my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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