there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
