You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
