u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
