You just made me feel so damn special
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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