he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize