Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
