we have officially lost it.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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