Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
