We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
