I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Too much gin, very little bucket
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
