So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
