**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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