The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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