No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
