alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
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Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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