the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
