Got a toothbrush?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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