The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
