I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
