Buhtt sex?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
