Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
