Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
