i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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