my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
