it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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