well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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