I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
