remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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