Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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