Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
