so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
