I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
