Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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