i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
