Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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