watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
