Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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